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  1. Dr. Loggins at |

    You’ve got some great content here! I think the quotes you shared show this can be a really impactful article. However, it needs a stronger thread running throughout it.

    That opening paragraph has a lot of weight. Can you summarize your story in one sentence? That’s what the lede should do. Then, have the nut graf (or second paragraph) expand upon the lede just a little bit. Remember the tips on a lede and nut graf from Kevin Devine: https://mediaadvisersnotebook.wordpress.com/2014/10/21/the-lede-and-the-nut-graf-an-introduction/

    Looking over the full story, I think the lede is more of an outline of what the article should be. What elements of the article support your statements in the lede? Try starting with that one summary paragraph, add more detail in the second paragraph, and then use the original lede to direct your full story.

    With that in mind, the 3rd paragraph should be Jace discussing the differences between playing at the collegiate and high school levels. Paragraph 4: How is COVID affecting Jace’s preseason? P5: Does he think he’ll be ready for next season? P6 What does he expect this will do for his opportunity to play professionally?

    Of course, you may not really have the quotes from Jace to discuss each of those ideas, but something like that would ensure a more cohesive story with a clear beginning, middle, and end. It’s possible to simply introduce Jace as an FHSU baseball player or starting outfielder and provide details on his love of the sport further down. In fact, that interest despite the difficulties of COVID could be a very good close.

    A few more technical things are to make your story record visible to everyone @mail.fhsu.edu or at least visible to my @mail address: gmloggins@mail.fhsu.edu I never use that address for email, but I do use it for Google Drive.

    And, I removed your intro. “For my second beat story I decided to choose a collegiate athlete.” We don’t need you to introduce the article to us, just to the TMN website readers.

    We can talk further during the one-on-one midterm meeting. Just let me know if my office hours do not suit your schedule. https://calendly.com/gmloggins

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