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  1. Dr. Loggins at |

    Great start, Kerissa! I do not know if you’ve heard from Nick or Russell via email yet. In case you haven’t here are things to consider to improve this article and to write better news articles in the future.

    Active voice always provides the reader with the most information. It tells that person “Who” did “What,” and its usually simpler and more direct. For example, instead of ” In less than two months, the presidential election will be held, and the leader of our country will be decided for the next four years,” try “The presidential election occurs in less than two months. It will decide the leader of our country for the next four years.”

    Second, I think we’ve already discussed using 3rd person. This should be a traditional news article, not an opinion piece. You have the information here, but this isn’t a report to a teacher. It’s for a reader who doesn’t know you and who wants an objective, factual report. The reader has no interest in your opinion or personality no matter how fabulous they both are.

    Some specific ways to do that include removing the references to yourself and changing, “This article will provide resources for you to use as you research on your own about the election and gather information before you cast your vote” to “There are a variety of resources you can use to gather information before you vote.”

    When it comes to the area that says, “First things first: registering to vote. Of course, you cannot vote unless you are registered!” I wonder if Nick and Russel feel it is appropriate. I am more accustomed to broadcast scripts than written articles. The sentences are inline with the conversational tone reporters and anchors should use, but it could come of a little too casual or demanding. However, it does communicate a peppy and exciting tone, and I really like that. Bottom line, I am not sure it goes over the line and sounds too expressive, but it might. Again, ask Nick and Russell before discouraging yourself from similar sentences in the future.

    All in all, there is great content here!! Just a few changes in structure or tone and it’s good to air as an article. Even without that, it may be already be good for publication as a column, which often has a more personal tone.

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