When attempting to manage conflicts I try to remember to be receptive of attempts at repair and begin to assist my counter part by making my own repair attempts. I have not had many conflicts at work, and I count myself blessed in that way, so most of my conflict resolution and management experiences come from my personal life with family and my spouse. I am someone with a quick tongue that can lash out with deeply hurtful words in the blink of an eye, for my brain works very quickly and quite sharply. I have found it much easier to keep this under control when I am in a professional setting, but quite difficult in my personal life. My husband on the other hand is very sensitive to the feelings of others and takes words to heart- so he has been instrumental in continuing to teach me how to keep my tongue in check and understand how impactful my words can be to others.

Amid a conflict it can be easy to become defensive and end up disregarding attempts that others make to begin repairing the situation and building a solution. This is where I try to be mindful and open to those attempts by listening carefully and asking constructive questions to narrow down avenues of compromise to find resolution as a team. In the defensive mode it is easier to be sarcastic toward another person’s attempts at dissolution of the conflict, but we must be self-aware in these settings and push to rise above these instincts to serve the greater good and come to a mutual understanding that serves the needs of as many people as possible.

My Hot Button is probably quite different than other peoples and I have only had it pushed once, but just thinking about the situation gives me a profound sense of frustration. My work situation is unique in that throughout my nursing career I have always worked in proximity to my husband, I was a nurse tech in the same hospital on night shift and I would get floated everywhere-sometimes to his unit- and then I was a cardiac nurse on night shift while he continued to work in CVICU and we both charged on our units before switching to work in the Cath lab on day shift. I have always been a fiercely independent person and strive to prove that I am a competent nurse on my own two feet, for I never went to him for assistance unless it was necessary, and I could not figure it out on my own or my patient needed me to have answers faster so that was top priority. Anyone I have worked with and my own husband would attest that I staunchly refuse a “bail out”, if you will, by my ICU trained husband unless I have no other choice. Jordan, my husband, is extremely skilled at IV insertion and can do so utilizing ultrasound, so one day after several attempts by myself and another nurse, I called him to come get an IV on a patient at shift change in hopes that dayshift would not have to worry about one more thing to do. A nurse from our sister unit was on the floor at this time, let’s call her Nancy, and she crossed paths with me in the supply room while Jordan was sticking the patient. I do not recall the exact conversation that lead to the button pushing, but I do recall telling her that Jordan was sticking the patient for an IV. Nancy proceeded to tell me with a smile on her face, “Oh well if I worked with my husband I would have him do my work too!”. I was completely stunned. There were no words for me to even begin to string together when I first heard this. This nurse didn’t know me or my husband at all, how could she jump to such a false conclusion? I managed to get out that the patient needed an IV and had already endured more than 3 attempts, so he was utilizing ultrasound. Nancy didn’t have a response and I knew I had to leave the situation before my sharp tongue got me in trouble. This is a situation I still am not sure I would be able to properly handle aside from with silence. I am not one that is concerned with the opinions of others when I know them to untrue. However, that day still gets under my skin.

 

Brower, N., & Darrington, J. (2012, July). Effective Communication Skills: Resolving Conflicts. Utah State University Cooperative Extension. Retrieved June 30, 2018, from https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/ou-files/effectivecommunicationskills.pdf

Segal, L. [Pierre Khawand]. (2014, June 6). Effective Strategies to Manage Conflict at Work. [Video file]. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_n-QGwh-E