Like most, I do not like conflict and will do my best to avoid it. I especially avoid conflict that involves myself. If I do have an issue, I try to be as polite about my grievance as I can be. With that said, Lorraine Segal states that there are several different “tools” to managing conflict. The one that I try to utilize the most in my every day work is to listen. She explains that listen provides others the feeling of “being heard”. They may also more open to listening to another perspective if they feel like their perspective has been truly heard. She also states that the other person may be more willing to work together to come up with a solution to the conflict. To listen effectively, Segal recommends asking open-ended questions and being a “compassionate witness”. She notes that using appropriate body language and other non-verbals will communicate effective listening.
For me, one of my “hot buttons” is when people say something to me and it comes across as condescending. This is a hot button because they may not mean to come across that way or even they are not and that is just how I interpreted what they said. It is somewhat subjective to my own perspective. Not always, but sometimes it could be me misinterpreting what the other person is saying. Usually if it just happens once, then I may be irritated but I won’t say anything and just brush it off. But if it is something that happens habitually, then I will ultimately say something and it may not be the most appropriate thing. A better way for me to handle this, would be to just tell the person that sometimes how they say something offends me and ask if there is something I could do in order for them to try and not do it anymore. Like I said earlier, most people probably don’t even realize that what they say comes off as such.
Khawand, P. (2014, June 06). Effective Strategies to Manage Conflict at Work [Video File]. Retrieved May 25, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_n-QGwh-E
I agree with you- I do not like conflict; however, conflict in the workplace seems inevitable. It is important to use conflict management strategies, such as listening. Listening seems like such a simple intervention; however, it is rarely done correctly. Lorraine Segal emphasized the importance of “being heard.” My “hot button” is similar to yours. It gets under my skin when others are rude or condescending. It is important that we examine our “hot buttons” so we can know how to handle situations (Conflict Dynamics Profile, 2015).
Conflict Dynamics Profile. (2015). What are your hot buttons? Retrieved from https://www.conflictdynamics.org/what-are-your-hot-buttons/
I like how you mentioned interpretation and pointed out that what you feel is condescending might not be intended that way. When I first started at my current position I thought one of our IT personnel was so rude. Whenever I would send an email the replies were very short and to the point. At times, I felt like this individual was going out of there way to try and make me feel incompetent. Due to the person not working in my department, I never really had the opportunity to see or interact with them in person. It wasn’t until I became the Epic super user for our clinic that I actually worked with this individual one on one. I quickly noticed that a lot of it was just that individual’s personality, stoic and very matter of fact. Once I realized that this person talked and acted this way to everyone, not just me, I began to feel less irritated and upset with our interactions.
Hello, we’re similar with our “hot button,” I get easily annoyed when someone talks rude to me; for example, when someone uses a tone of voice that I may perceive as sarcastic, disrespectful, or makes me feel incompetent. I do brush it off sometimes, but I also don’t have a problem to “have a talk” with the person I get in conflicts with, in a professional manner of course. Validating what’s said or done, listening to cues, addressing the root cause of the conflict, and hopefully reach an agreement/conflict resolution.
Some time, or my case most of time I hold my angry feeling about anyone and anything. I did long time, during that time I was not happy and frustrated and very irritable. Then I had problem relationship with my husband and went marries counseling. I realized I was holding my angry feeling and piled up and no longer hold I blew up to my husband that included something happen in my work. After that I am taking small step. When I got angry first take deep breath wait to cool down then I talked to my best friend or my husband what happened, then final step to talk to the person. so far this step is working dealing with my conflict.