According to Lorraine Segal, conflict management tools include accepting conflict, effective listening, managing emotions, looking at what is/isn’t our part and letting go (Khawand, 2014). While these tools are all important, I think each skill falls into place when we learn to accept that conflict is a normal part of life. Segal explains that where there are groups of people this is conflict. It’s not any one person’s fault, it just happens (Khawand, 2014). Conflict is a normal part of being human an interacting with others (Khawand, 2014). As a brand-new nurse, I absolutely hated conflict and tried to avoid it at all costs. I quickly learned that when dealing with fellow nurses, co-workers, physicians, surgeons, patients and families, it was inevitable. Conflict was always going to be a part of my professional life. I couldn’t advocate for my patients if I wasn’t willing to question or stand up to a physician. I wasn’t going to find a solution to silly drama at work if I couldn’t confront my co-workers. I still struggle with this, however, the more practice I get with addressing and dealing with conflict, the easier it seems to get. Just think, how boring of a world would we live in if everyone always agreed on everything?
My hotspot is when people talk to myself or others in a degrading way. In healthcare, communication is key and we are all constantly learning new things. I have been in my current position for nearly 4 years and while I might be proficient and considered and “expert”, I still don’t know it all and will never claim to. Part of the beauty of healthcare is that it is always evolving. Technology advances and processes change. I constantly stress to my preceptees to ask me anything at all. I would so much rather have someone ask what they think is a “dumb” question than assume and make a decision that results in a mistake.
I recently had an instance at our local gym when a grown woman began insulting an autistic adolescent (who happens to be a patient of ours who has an extra special spot in my heart) for the second time. She talked to him like a child and shamed him for “banging his weights” in front of everyone in the gym. You could tell he was very bothered by it and immediately wanted to leave. His dad avoided the conflict and tried to get his son out of the situation as quickly as possible. At that point, I was livid. As mentioned before, I don’t usually address conflict if I don’t have to but I could not bring myself to simply brush this off. Looking back and reflecting on Segal’s tools, I definitely could have handled the situation better. I was so upset that I said what I needed to say but I didn’t really listen to a thing she said back because I was so furious. I do believe working through each of these steps will be helpful in future situations. While I don’t really excuse the prior situation, in order to manage this hotspot, I need to remind myself that sometimes people have bad days. They might not intend for things to come across how they do. I need to take time to stop, take a breath and let my emotions calm down before I proceed with addressing the situation.
Khawand, P. (2014, June 06). Effective Strategies to Manage Conflict at Work (Video File). Retrieved April 9, 2018, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_n-QGwh-E
While it’s true that there could have been better ways you could have dealt with the conflict you encountered at the gym, sometimes though, we are just humans… flawed with emotions. Also, sometimes there’s no getting through with pathetic people who have small minds & constantly want to bring others down, but to have them taste their own medicine, (just being honest)–of course, this must be avoided at all cost in a professional environment.
I had never really thought about learning to accept that conflict is a part of everyday life and we should just except it until this. I have learned how to speak up for my patients and advocate for what they want and what is in their best interests, it has taken me some practice, and knowing that I have the knowledge and experience to back up what I am saying. When it comes to the managerial position I have recently stepped into I have a more difficult time addressing conflict that comes with this position, because I don’t have the experience in this position to back what I am saying. People will still turn to others when they have questions about issues that deal with my position instead of always coming to me because that don’t always think that I know what to do. Most of the time I don’t find out about it until after the fact.
Healthcare is always changing and we never stop learning. We can all learn from each other and we should avoid feeling like we have learned it all because that will keep us from growing in a field that needs constant change.