Listening is such an important aspect of the communication cycle, especially when there is conflict. I like that Ms. Segal points out that listening doesn’t mean you agree, nor that you will do what the person wants, or that it will solve the problem. Because even as important as listening is, it is just part of the complex interaction of communicating. Even when we are listening we may not “hear” what is being said, we can misinterpret what is said because it is going through our internal filter, we can be listening but thinking of our reply, so do we really “hear” what the person is saying? How often do we multi-task as we are listening? When listening is done with intent, people will react positively when they feel that they are being heard. Body language also comes into play when listening and can be a negative or positive factor in how the communication is received.
A hot button for me is people who don’t listen. And that covers people who listen but have already decided they know what I’m going to say, so they hear me wrong, they interrupt me, and then challenge the correctness of my communication. And that usually flows from the “we’ve always done it this way”, so, then I know that they aren’t/weren’t even open to listening much less change. In thinking about this after watching the conflict management video, I need to be more assertive, but I have to be careful not to be aggressive. I have told people to let me finish my sentence or that I’m not done speaking, but I would like to find a better way to deal with this behavior, because I think when I say that it may offend people.
Khawand, P. (2014, June 6). Effective Strategies to Manage Conflict at Work (Video File). Retrieved May 25, 2017, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8_n_QGwh-E
I like that you talk about how we can misinterpret what someone else may say because we may pass it through an internal filter. I find that one of the best ways to prevent this is to paraphrase what we understood the person to say and ask them if our paraphrase was correct. I find that often how I hear something and how someone means it is very different.
“I like that Ms. Segal points out that listening doesn’t mean you agree, nor that you will do what the person wants, or that it will solve the problem.” I agree with you. Listening does not mean that a person is on board or understanding or agreeing with the speaker. It means they are going through the motions of letting someone say their piece and they may or may not learn or understanding something from it. Be assertive and commanding we are heard with out being aggressive can be a difficult line to walk. Refining our ability to do this without creating additional conflict or misunderstanding about intentions is very important to advocating for ourselves and our patients.