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  1. Dr. Loggins at |

    This is an excellent story! I think it just needs a stronger purpose to help you better incorporate the quotes from Larry Gould. I would suggest reviewing Chapter 8 of the News Manual, on Quotes, before you start revising this. Below, I’ve included a few excerpts that I think are concepts that could be applied to make this article sing.

    Thanks for remembering the story record! I noticed you did not include a date. I would think there is at least one date relevant to this story. Give that some thought and revise your record to reflect it when you work on revising the story.

    Chapter 8 link: https://www.thenewsmanual.net/Manuals%20Volume%201/volume1_08.htm

    The key take-away from the chapter that I think can improve this article is to find a balance between the quotes and other sentences. Here are a few places where The Manual elaborates on that:

    Quotes in the rest of the story
    If you are going to quote a speech or a personal interview, never leave the first quote later than the third or fourth paragraph of the story. If you cannot find a quote strong enough to go that high, you should question the value of covering the speech or doing the interview in the first place.

    How often should you use quotes?
    Although quotes bring a story alive, it is still possible to kill a good story by carelessness, particularly over-repetition. It is like smothering a meal with sauce, drowning the taste of the meat. Each quote must earn its place in the story. Do not put in strings of quotes simply because you have them in your notebook.
    Alternate quotes and reported speech, choosing those quotes which are especially strong and rewriting in reported speech those which are either too complicated or too long. Just because someone said something does not mean that they have expressed themselves well or clearly. If the quote is likely to confuse your readers or spoil the rest of the story, turn the words into reported speech. As we said earlier, very few people are able to compress ideas into sentences better than a good journalist can.

    [When it comes to writing quotes]
    You should always start a new paragraph for a direct quote. If you have started a quote and continue to quote in the next paragraph, you do not need to close the quotes before going on to the next par, though you should start the new paragraph with inverted commas. See how we leave out the quotation mark after the first paragraph but include it at the beginning of the second:

    Mr Raukele said: “It is not something I ever expected to happen in this country in my lifetime.
    “I have to admit that it came as a complete surprise.”

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