2 Responses

  1. Dr. Loggins at |

    That’s a really great start, Jeanne! The quote lead-ins are stronger than they were in your draft. It’s so great, too, to have a picture, the credits for that picture, and some links to make the article interactive!

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  2. Russell Heitmann at |

    Nice, simple lede

    Good background info on how the club came about – some of the logistics such as when they meet and how they meet aren’t so important to be that far up in the story. I would have a paragraph at the end that states when the club meets, how you can get involved, etc

    With your quote lead in, you can either jump right into the quote or set it up with a paraphrases statement based on something the person says. Assuming that Dain Grimes said something to this effect, this would be an example.

    League of Legends team captain, Dain Grimes, said finding the E-Sports club was a way to put into practice one of his interests.

    “I have always….

    If he didn’t say anything like that, then just jump into the quote without the Team captain said…

    The same goes for the second quote, I think that could just stand alone since you just got done mentioning the team captains.

    I would just put the link to the word Channel instead of adding the word link (small nit pick)

    And the little paragraph about more information would be a nice bowtie for the end of the story.

    Great work on your first piece. This has a nice structure and tells the info we need to know. If you follow this formula, you should be able to have some nice success telling more stories.

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